Resident Evil II: Apocalypse
Resident Evil II: Apocalypse is a little hard on the self esteem.
Resident Evil II is a Zombie movie. Resident Evil II is a video game movie. How can it negatively affect my self esteem?
Well, have you ever been confused by a zombie movie? Right. Ever been confused by a video game movie? No, I don't mean confused by why someone would make a Super Mario Brothers movie. Okay good.
I didn't get Resident Evil II. Rough, huh?
Let me start by saying that I bear the Resident Evil franchise no ill will. The video game is a fine way to kill some stuff without feeling bad about it. The first movie fulfilled its zombie movie requirements with charm and verve. The zombies appear and attack stuff. A haphazard explanation is put forward but not dwelt on and then an adequately hot chick kicks some ass.
What's not to like?
But in Resident Evil II: Apocalypse the 'not to like' piles upward and upward into unscaleable mounds that eventually collapse harming millions of innocents.
I will summarize quickly before the mounting bile taste causes my innards to splash upon the keyboard. There are zombies. They like to eat people; those people don't to want get eaten. The Umbrella Corporation is really, really evil and they probably make really crappy umbrellas too.
They make real good zombies, though.
There's a chick who's not Milla Joslavicsoundinglastname and one chick who is. The one who is drives motorcycle through a catholic church as though that were an acceptable way to behave. The one who isn't is an undercover agent who has infiltrated a gang of ninja hookers. She wears a tube top and she has some kung-fu and but then you forget why she's there and so does she.
There's a Zombie with a rocket launcher. The Umbrella Corporation makes him kill SWAT team guys and then you don't care. He's supposed to fight Milla Whatsherface but you don't care even though he's really her boyfriend.
Along with the requisite zombie dogs (seen it . . .) there's also some really gross zombie t & a. I figure that's the only true selling point of this movie. And it's gross. But, you don't see it everyday, that's for sure.
That's enough summary. Any more and I'll start to get sad and confused again.
The main problem is the Umbrella Corporation. They're really, really evil and therefore relieved of the burden of plausible motives. My poor little brain searches for motivations and rationales and fails. Then the plot doesn't make sense seeing as how the Umbrella Corporation was moving it forward with its acts of random malevolence. Then I don't get a zombie/video game movie.
Then it is the time for sadness.
That's how Resident Evil II destroyed my self confidence.
Now I can not feed myself nor operate the DVD player. I shall soon perish from starvation. Way to go, Resident Evil II: Apocalypse.
Resident Evil II is a Zombie movie. Resident Evil II is a video game movie. How can it negatively affect my self esteem?
Well, have you ever been confused by a zombie movie? Right. Ever been confused by a video game movie? No, I don't mean confused by why someone would make a Super Mario Brothers movie. Okay good.
I didn't get Resident Evil II. Rough, huh?
Let me start by saying that I bear the Resident Evil franchise no ill will. The video game is a fine way to kill some stuff without feeling bad about it. The first movie fulfilled its zombie movie requirements with charm and verve. The zombies appear and attack stuff. A haphazard explanation is put forward but not dwelt on and then an adequately hot chick kicks some ass.
What's not to like?
But in Resident Evil II: Apocalypse the 'not to like' piles upward and upward into unscaleable mounds that eventually collapse harming millions of innocents.
I will summarize quickly before the mounting bile taste causes my innards to splash upon the keyboard. There are zombies. They like to eat people; those people don't to want get eaten. The Umbrella Corporation is really, really evil and they probably make really crappy umbrellas too.
They make real good zombies, though.
There's a chick who's not Milla Joslavicsoundinglastname and one chick who is. The one who is drives motorcycle through a catholic church as though that were an acceptable way to behave. The one who isn't is an undercover agent who has infiltrated a gang of ninja hookers. She wears a tube top and she has some kung-fu and but then you forget why she's there and so does she.
There's a Zombie with a rocket launcher. The Umbrella Corporation makes him kill SWAT team guys and then you don't care. He's supposed to fight Milla Whatsherface but you don't care even though he's really her boyfriend.
Along with the requisite zombie dogs (seen it . . .) there's also some really gross zombie t & a. I figure that's the only true selling point of this movie. And it's gross. But, you don't see it everyday, that's for sure.
That's enough summary. Any more and I'll start to get sad and confused again.
The main problem is the Umbrella Corporation. They're really, really evil and therefore relieved of the burden of plausible motives. My poor little brain searches for motivations and rationales and fails. Then the plot doesn't make sense seeing as how the Umbrella Corporation was moving it forward with its acts of random malevolence. Then I don't get a zombie/video game movie.
Then it is the time for sadness.
That's how Resident Evil II destroyed my self confidence.
Now I can not feed myself nor operate the DVD player. I shall soon perish from starvation. Way to go, Resident Evil II: Apocalypse.
posted by otis @ 3:06 AM
1 Comments:
At 6:20 PM ,
Odd-cl said...
I gotta tell you only resident evil fans would understand the minor parts. They do tell you but most people forget the newspaper saying that Jill was suspended from S.T.A.R.S also she is not undercover she is a regular police officer who was not on the job when the outbreak happens. You can play as her on the resident evil and the resident evil 3 games. Carlos works for umbrella and is not evil. top ranked umbrella members work on b.o.w or in this film Nemesis and Alice and trust me it wont ruin the movie knowing that u learn at the begining about alice with her powers. The scientists making the virus were making it to help people heal dead skin cells which when it happened some workers tried to sell it to higher terrorist and company groups. The movie kept that right on the first one and did make people learn how the origional outbreak began (in anderson's view). I love resident evil its the only games i buy and i mean imports first and then english when it hits U.S. Anderson did make lots of fans mad because they wanted to see it just like the game but capcom is the one who choose anderson and fired george romero.
Post a Comment
<< Home