FAST desk

Starbucks has a 24-hour fixit line staffed by bored twentysomethings. It's called the FAST desk, which stands for something to do with facilities and services and some other words that make less sense but do the tough work of turning an otherwise meaningless series of intials into an acronym.

The thing about bored twentysomethings is that they crave entertainment. Especially at 9:30 pm on a wednesday.

FASTDBT: Hello my name is Bored Twentysomething what can I do for you tonight?ME: I, uh, broke the pastry case.
FASTDBT: (suddenly awake) oooo, did you smash the glass part, or did you break the coolant system? Or was it something else?
ME: No. I was just changing the little plastic things around the light bulbs. When I started doing that the lights worked, when I finished they did not.
FASTDBT:(very disappointed with me and my silly, mundane problem) Have you tried wiggling them?
ME: I've wiggled everything that might bring the lights back.
FASTDBT:It says here we dispatched someone to fix your pastry lights this week.
ME: Yeah. They've been broken all week. That wasn't me though. The guy came out and did that this morning, but he didn't change the dirty little plastic tubes around the ligths while he was at it, so my boss asked me to.
FASTDBT: So then you broke it.
ME: Yup.
FASTDBT: Why didn't the tech change them himself?
ME: I'm not a psychologist.
FASTDBT: I'm going to assign the same tech to fix this. That will teach him.
ME: Teach him to trust us to finish his work?
FASTDBT: We aren't real big on that around here, no. In fact, I'm going to write down that this was his fault.
ME: rawk!