yes, we are making fun of you

Baristas someimes develop nicknames for certain drinks. Sometimes it is based on some aspect of the drink, sometimes the particular customers or types of customers who buy it. I thought it would be interesting to write down a number of the ones I have either heard or developed over my many years at the bux. Some things are in common usage, but most of the list is probably idiosyncratic.

• Young Litigator on Crack - a venti coffee, two shots of espresso. I used to work near a law school, and this was the student favorite.
• Soccer Mom - a nonfat latte
• Pepto Bismal - a raspberry white mocha.
• Barista's Friend - iced chai
• Fallen Vegan - a soy with whip mocha.
• Pregnant Teenager - a nonfat with whip mocha
• Bacon Stuffed Pork - anything breve and with whip.
• Keanu - an iced drink with no ice. Whoa.
• Britney - a carmel frappucino.
• Surf and Turf - another name for the soy with whip drinks.
• The Bowel Disruptor - venti coffee and a bran muffin.Idiot's Frappuccino - an iced mocha with blended milk.
• Pancreatic Shock in a Cup - there was this one customer who would have you fill up his grande cup a quarter way with refined sugar, stir in three shots of espresso then add ten pumps of vanilla, some 195 degree steamed milk and then extra whip cream.
• Side of Insulin - really extra caramel.
• One Arrow, Two Targets - anything extra hot and with no foam, but especially soy drinks.
• The Drink Without Qualities - decaf nonfat no foam latte. Most people call this a "Why Bother?" but I had a lit major coworker who thought that wasn't creative enough.